How Alpacas Have Changed My Life

Yuk! Sounds like the title of a really bad essay one of my long-ago seventh graders might have written. That title, however, has some validity – some aspects of my life have changed since living with these incredible animals. For instance…

My diet… Chocolate covered peanuts and raisins will never appeal to me again. As a matter of fact, chocolate, chunky ANYTHING is pretty much off my food list!

My personality…I love to smile. Those first few weeks after trading 138 high school students for a handful of alpacas, I smiled a lot, especially in the mornings while I scooped poop. It was hard not to. But…I don’t smile or laugh aloud while scooping poop anymore, and for pretty much the same reason chocolate is off my diet.

My exercise regimen…there is no longer any need for expensive gym memberships or exercise machines. The BSSD (bend-scoop-spin-dump) daily cardio workout is doing just fine. Throw in the occasional *CDR (climb-drop-run) aerobic exercise and you have the perfect regimen. *The CDR is only used when 2 or more hormonal males challenge one another; the bugling, ear-piercing screams instantly alarm me, my husband, and the neighbors. Remember, we’re all still new at this!

My wardrobe… I get to wear the same outfit three days or more in a row. (I just store it in a hamper for farm clothes only). I traded dresses, dress shoes, stockings, slips, and suits for faded, tattered, stained jeans, that got that way naturally at no extra charge, and a pair of ugly but comfortable rubber work boots. And I save a bunch of money on dry cleaning too!

So, let’s add it all up.

• Cost of chocolate
• Cost of diet pills to counteract chocolate in diet
• Cost of gym membership
• Cost of going to gym
• Cost of exercise equipment cause I got tired of going to the gym
• Dry cleaning bill
• Cost of no-name jeans and rubber boots versus dresses, stockings, suits, dress shoes

Look at that. I'm already making money and don’t have an alpaca to sell yet! What a life!